00174 - Discovery Log
AI summary: Introspective creator log on shifting from TikTok to Substack, daily self‑recording, radical honesty, and building a truth‑driven community.
A second day of thoughts, emotions, sensations, and feelings combining into a flurry of considerations. Yesterday I’ve been deep into getting to know the Substack platform more, as I made the definitive decision to focus my attention on Substack over TikTok. TikTok has served me well as a consumer, but it’s not the right platform for me at this time to continue on as a creator. It’s not my style to share myself verbally on a daily basis (yet) unless it’s to myself.
When I started with recording myself, it was just with the intention to increase awareness of myself and make it a habit to write. As I went into this for a couple of days, I was then told about the book: ‘the Artist’s way’, which made me go deeper into the type of free writing that a journal allows for. However, I quickly found that it was too much pressure for me to keep to a specific word count. I experimented with it for a while, but it became a chore; it went against my flow. So I stopped that approach and switched to audio recordings instead. By now, that is my main form of reflecting on myself outside of my head. It’s been the act of expressing myself to myself, that truly broke me out of any limiting belief I had about myself. It was this practice, together with reading my Tarot cards and listening to those who I call my ‘mystic team’ which brought me into my centered place. That team is essentially a curated group of people on TikTok that interact with the astral realms. And I’m expanding the team here on Substack now :)
Eventually my practice of writing for myself turned into something closer to scientific exploration. I rarely read back or listened back to what I wrote or recorded, but it was just the act of recording myself that made me much more present of the moment in which I existed. It helped me to realize that I was neglected in my childhood, because I finally felt what it was like to be listened to. I didn’t know how much I silenced myself, until I started putting in the effort for myself to listen to myself. All of which would have sounded extremely arrogant and selfish to me two years ago. And it is selfish. It’s just that I finally have my priorities straight.
Before anyone else, I need to take care of myself fully and completely. I need to listen to my intuition, to my body, and to my mind. This balanced trinity leads to my mystical connections. And that is the life that feels right to me, it has brought me tremendous joy and incredible pain; it has shown me what existing actually is about. It also unlocked my creativity again and showed me how to take care of myself in the face of energetic exchanges.
One of those experiences in particular has changed the course of my life: meeting my soulmate. However, things got confusing really quick as this progressed, because I met her in visions where we both embodied dragons. I flew with her through the rainbow colored creative realms and phased in and out with her between a variety of worlds. I sat with her at a lake in pure bliss of being together and it was fascinating and beautiful. Because I had separated from my wife only 3 months prior to all of this occurring.
Anyway, that’s a story for another day. What I did want to share with you is that I learned that external validation is really not that important. Not even from your soulmate. What matters above everything else is how you value your self. Your fully integrated self. It requires hardcore honesty and although I thought I lived an honest life, I didn’t realize how dishonest I was with myself until recently. I didn’t honor my self.
Without honoring your self, you cannot truly love your self. And without loving your self, you can never share your full range of love with the person(s) you so deeply care about. Inevitably, you will be dealing with shallow relationships if you only dare to swim in the shallows of your own ocean.
Anyway, that’s a page again already!
Image: Flickr | Darth Yoda
Let me rebel a bit again against that rule and stretch what is supposed to be a guideline… I mean, if I want to be writing multiple books as one of my expressions in this life. I had better get used to writing a bit more than I’m comfortable with currently! (not too much though, we want it to remain fun)
Yesterday I had an epic day of activity. It started with sharing the first discovery log publicly, after which I realized, that I presented my creations in a very limited way. They needed some style, I wanted to honor my ‘children’. So I spruced up the homepage, created some structure with categories and tags, studied Substack more, and started working on an actual weekly newsletter. I also started writing against all my expectations, on the scariest thing I could possibly share from my current perspective. I already spoke on it yesterday, but writing it out into an essay is a whole different thing. And I was fully aware of that, but I sat with my discomfort, didn’t distract myself and took turtle steps (because baby steps are uncertain) towards achieving that milestone.
It reminded me about why I’m writing and why I’m so confident now about sharing my words with the world. I’m not just doing this for myself, far from it. In many ways I have suffered from a bleeding heart throughout my life. I have hurt for the state of the world as someone who grew up as a kid, surrounded by poverty in Malawi, while living in a gated mansion. That image never left me, even though I lived for the majority of my life, in one of the richest countries of the world shortly after. There are so many reasons why I would want to make money. But it’s not for myself, I’m still working on figuring out that part (but I already started writing on it). I know that I need money to survive, but that’s about all I go for. It doesn’t mean that I don’t desire material things in my life. I’m a foodie, I love Lego, I get a kick out of consuming all forms of art, I want to surf, sail, and learn to play musical instruments… There’s quite some things I would derive pleasure from. But throughout my life, I’ve always wanted so much more to just be around people that were joyful. I gain so much more from being with people that care and radiate joy, than that I get from stuff that gives me temporary pleasure. Which is a sentiment that I didn’t understand for a long time. Because I was surrounded by people that lived a much more grounded life than I did. I thought I was broken and in some ways I was; my heart was broken for the state of the world. I wanted to address wealth disparity, injustice, hunger, poverty, and more… I just wanted to change the world… and I still do.
I can’t do that alone though and I’m done with being a hyper individualistic person. But I will remain sovereign. And I will change the world. One way or another.
To do that, I need to find the people that care as deeply as that I do. The people that know the depths of their heart and don’t shy away from their shadows, but embrace them with a bloody grin held by a broken jaw. The people that dream about materializing the impossible and dare to speak about the incredible. The people that understand that they embody divinity and that they are goddesses and gods playing in a material realm. The people that create without holding back and without intending to harm others.
I write for a community that will understand or is curious about a sentence like:
‘I know that my words will be read by a large community and the wider public due to my claircognizance and clairvoyance’.
It doesn’t matter when you read these words. They were written for you, so that we can address the current state of the world. Time is an illusory construct. But also, limitations exist for a reason.
I’m nearing the end of my second page and bid you farewell. I have much more to say and now is the time to move forward in another project.