Nothing to Say

Resistance to self expression and inner exploration to find a way to meet my love

The pull of your heart carries me away
I don’t know anymore what to say
You leave my mind blank
Emptied my energy bank
Is this your way of telling me you want to play?

When the voices stop
And the instruments drop
Within the moments of silence in a song
I keep remembering with whom I belong
But I only find you in my mind
Is this treatment kind?
Did I plant this crop?

The mystery of existence 
It plagues and shines on my every day
Blinded in the unknown there’s no point of reference
I wish to kiss you if I may

Once again I get a call
Reminding me that I don’t need to fall
That I can grow, share, and need to stand tall
Seriously dude, stop playing small!

But I don’t know what to say!
I reply in dismay
The fate that has befallen me seems cruel
And yet again I find myself in a duel

Persistence of Memory - Salvador Dali

Tick tock goes the clock
While my soul lounges in infinity
Flip flop moves the wet sock
I’m wishing for insanity

All years of my life turned into a day
With the day’s moments carried off by the fae
It leaves me still
My heart craving a fill
A cold beer on the terrace in May
 
But that was not the path that I chose
I wanted magick and glorious foes
I wanted to fight demons and ride the dragon
To find the princess with whom I could sway
So once again I surrender to how the story goes
I guess it’s time to mold my golem in clay

Not that I know what any of that means
My life has turned into a movie with special effects and scenes
A plot has been crafted before it’s shown on the screens
And I’m just the actor who laughs while he screams

Again I choose to minimize my victories
Pretend like there’s no value in memories
That I have no free will
As though I’m just living in stories

Love has derailed me like an airplane in water
It has given my heart strength so I will not falter
Yet also made my mind weak so as not to assault her
Drowning in my airship 
I dream of the sun rising above the clouds
Each day leading me closer to death than the altar

I want to cry for the child in me that wants to be seen
While telling him that our life will be free
That when she sees us that she will be keen
That there’s nothing to worry about
Just wait and see…

But he understandably wants a pass
Of holding faith while lost hopelessly in romance
T’was not the future he dreamt of with his beautiful lass
He wants to sing and laugh and dance
Why is this taking so long?
Where is his lance?

Innocence cries: are we there yet
Commander orders: hold the line
Heart begs: forgive and forget
Thought claims: this. here and now; isn’t our time

And only now as we bury ourselves in our shared frown
Do we hear our spirit gleefully whisper:
Wasn’t that an amazing ride deserving of a crown?
Didn’t the air get just a little bit crisper?

So we collectively look back and observe the wonder
Slightly ashamed we return to the body that homes us all
Awkwardly gazing at each other we feel that we were torn asunder
Spirit just laughs and says: shall we play ball?

Now rage and envy rise to the surface
A defense setup to thwart any enemy
But how could this possibly serve us?
The foe I see is me

Spirit’s sight is gleaming with joy
Observing the joining of parts
The return of the boy
And as it watches how all the energy darts
It feels the warmth and love 
of divinity’s envoy

My soul reminds my spirit to be loving and kind:
Each part of you, equals who you are: your self
As nature shows, you will find
Balance your experiments
Embrace the mind
Let the child play
Live to grow another day
None are left behind

Now that we’re all together we can finally speak of I
And the woman that I love doesn’t feel so far away
My body relaxes as I close my third eye
Today is not the day, that I die