Nice! The navigation doesn't work for me in the app, but at least it's some ease for desktop users. Thank you 🙏
I've been healing since Mary left. Not sure if you can call it resting... It's more restful than before though :) you can decide yourself in my personal log category:
In regards to money, it's all about getting control over your expenses. One of the biggest ways that I got free of expenses, was by not renting anymore. If you only buy food, heating, and shelter - you build up funds. With that you can get out of the rent trap. And then you're really free. As a landowner you can choose when to repair something. As a renter you pay for continuity. Same in regards to electricity. I'm not spending anything on it currently.
And yeah, to get there I got the best paying job I could find. To escape as quick as I could. Every little bit of decor you buy is support of the current system, unless you buy from local people who made stuff themselves. But before you can help others, you need to help yourself. That's how this system works.
Meanwhile nature is already at your disposal. Your phone provides the necessary entertainment. And with some crafting, you can create your own decor. You might even be able to get paid for doing that.
So in the end, you don't need to spend on things you desire. You can use money to bring you to the environment where you no longer seek external gratification.
Happy to expand further if this sparked something :)
Wow. What a journey you’ve been on! I’m curious as to what else you have learned - I have come to similar conclusions on my journey, my experience is just different. It’s so funny, isn’t it, how we can discover such similar conclusions through vastly different journeys.
You shared so much here, this was really nice to read and understand your journey more. It felt so much of more upheaval, more upheaval, more upheaval. I hope you're resting now.
I'm happy to read more stories of your life journey. Also, intrigued by what you mean about using money. I live on not much money and while I buy decor and things, it's on quite a low level compared to most. I like to live outside the city, nearer nature, and recently had a health problem that overnight forced me to not be able to have alcohol, sugar or caffeine. It's been 2. weeks without any of them! But mostly, I'm wondering how to use money better in future.
First, just wow. You've been through a lot, and your honesty (with yourself) is inspiring. "Purge and heal everything you've been taught about social systems and interacting with humans / the environment." That quote, this is where I'm at in my life right now.
Thank you 🙏 I've found that shame is the thing that holds me back the most and causes internal distress. I always thought I was honest, but then realized that if I can't speak about something in public; then I'm not being honest with myself somewhere.
The purge can be rough as you discover how much you've taken for granted. I can imagine it can especially be tough as a lawyer. Just curious, do you still believe in the legal system?
I’ll tell you this, get more and more disgruntled each day. I wonder what I’m really fighting about each day, whether it’s worth it, makes a difference and don’t get me started about law firm life. It’s one of the reasons I started writing was to show, “here’s what’s really happening and how we can navigate it better.” So do I believe in it, I want to. Jury is still out but I’m not ready to leave the fight just yet.
It reminds me of when I was still working for a cryptocurrency exchange 2 years ago. But I quit because of what I explained in this essay and the realization that my energy was worth more elsewhere. "The fight" can be done in many ways and sometimes regrouping to find a more efficient path helps. We all walk our own path though, so if it still feels worthwhile I'm not here to tell you otherwise lol.
Just thought I'd highlight that your knowledge and experience can be used differently too :)
Personally I'm very determined about social justice and have an extremely low tolerance for harmful behavior. But I see the legal system as the enforcer of government narratives, not that of the people. It tends to be the rich people who use the system for their benefit as far as I've seen it.
I totally get your take! I see it and I used to think that I could help “fix” these systems; it took me a while to realize, nope, it’s working exactly how it’s intended. And that’s so disheartening! I’ll be honest, I’m in a regrouping phase right now, unsure of the path and trying to just straight up take cues from my gut and nervous system. Not sure where that will lead, but I’m open to ideas! lol.
Sounds like you're on the right track :) I don't have answers, only you do. For me it came to me by investigating what brought me joy. Actual deep joy. Just remembering what I cared about as a kid.
Perhaps the justice you seek to bring to the world has a deeper layer to it.
Either way, it does help if you're able to remove yourself, from the situation where you constantly get triggered. But again, how you choose to regroup is your story. I would say just keep following your intuition though, it's certainly helped me. Even when things didn't make rational sense.
Thank you so much for sharing. And yes, I'll keep trusting the gut and nervous system, and figure out the path. Probably should have been listening a lot sooner lol!
Nice! The navigation doesn't work for me in the app, but at least it's some ease for desktop users. Thank you 🙏
I've been healing since Mary left. Not sure if you can call it resting... It's more restful than before though :) you can decide yourself in my personal log category:
https://dragonstails.substack.com/t/log-mars
In regards to money, it's all about getting control over your expenses. One of the biggest ways that I got free of expenses, was by not renting anymore. If you only buy food, heating, and shelter - you build up funds. With that you can get out of the rent trap. And then you're really free. As a landowner you can choose when to repair something. As a renter you pay for continuity. Same in regards to electricity. I'm not spending anything on it currently.
And yeah, to get there I got the best paying job I could find. To escape as quick as I could. Every little bit of decor you buy is support of the current system, unless you buy from local people who made stuff themselves. But before you can help others, you need to help yourself. That's how this system works.
Meanwhile nature is already at your disposal. Your phone provides the necessary entertainment. And with some crafting, you can create your own decor. You might even be able to get paid for doing that.
So in the end, you don't need to spend on things you desire. You can use money to bring you to the environment where you no longer seek external gratification.
Happy to expand further if this sparked something :)
Thank you 🥰 which part spoke most to you? I find it hard to determine what's valuable and what's not.
Also, how do you connect to these experiences? Very curious how our journeys align, clearly we both connect on cycle breaking 😉
Wow. What a journey you’ve been on! I’m curious as to what else you have learned - I have come to similar conclusions on my journey, my experience is just different. It’s so funny, isn’t it, how we can discover such similar conclusions through vastly different journeys.
Sub'd. Saved. Agents of Mayhem unite :)
You can make hyperlinks in posts! My friend does it here: https://lilithmay.substack.com/p/self-help-addiction?open=false#%C2%A7a-world-of-all-give-and-no-take
You shared so much here, this was really nice to read and understand your journey more. It felt so much of more upheaval, more upheaval, more upheaval. I hope you're resting now.
I'm happy to read more stories of your life journey. Also, intrigued by what you mean about using money. I live on not much money and while I buy decor and things, it's on quite a low level compared to most. I like to live outside the city, nearer nature, and recently had a health problem that overnight forced me to not be able to have alcohol, sugar or caffeine. It's been 2. weeks without any of them! But mostly, I'm wondering how to use money better in future.
First, just wow. You've been through a lot, and your honesty (with yourself) is inspiring. "Purge and heal everything you've been taught about social systems and interacting with humans / the environment." That quote, this is where I'm at in my life right now.
Thank you 🙏 I've found that shame is the thing that holds me back the most and causes internal distress. I always thought I was honest, but then realized that if I can't speak about something in public; then I'm not being honest with myself somewhere.
The purge can be rough as you discover how much you've taken for granted. I can imagine it can especially be tough as a lawyer. Just curious, do you still believe in the legal system?
I’ll tell you this, get more and more disgruntled each day. I wonder what I’m really fighting about each day, whether it’s worth it, makes a difference and don’t get me started about law firm life. It’s one of the reasons I started writing was to show, “here’s what’s really happening and how we can navigate it better.” So do I believe in it, I want to. Jury is still out but I’m not ready to leave the fight just yet.
It reminds me of when I was still working for a cryptocurrency exchange 2 years ago. But I quit because of what I explained in this essay and the realization that my energy was worth more elsewhere. "The fight" can be done in many ways and sometimes regrouping to find a more efficient path helps. We all walk our own path though, so if it still feels worthwhile I'm not here to tell you otherwise lol.
Just thought I'd highlight that your knowledge and experience can be used differently too :)
Personally I'm very determined about social justice and have an extremely low tolerance for harmful behavior. But I see the legal system as the enforcer of government narratives, not that of the people. It tends to be the rich people who use the system for their benefit as far as I've seen it.
I totally get your take! I see it and I used to think that I could help “fix” these systems; it took me a while to realize, nope, it’s working exactly how it’s intended. And that’s so disheartening! I’ll be honest, I’m in a regrouping phase right now, unsure of the path and trying to just straight up take cues from my gut and nervous system. Not sure where that will lead, but I’m open to ideas! lol.
Sounds like you're on the right track :) I don't have answers, only you do. For me it came to me by investigating what brought me joy. Actual deep joy. Just remembering what I cared about as a kid.
Perhaps the justice you seek to bring to the world has a deeper layer to it.
Either way, it does help if you're able to remove yourself, from the situation where you constantly get triggered. But again, how you choose to regroup is your story. I would say just keep following your intuition though, it's certainly helped me. Even when things didn't make rational sense.
Thank you so much for sharing. And yes, I'll keep trusting the gut and nervous system, and figure out the path. Probably should have been listening a lot sooner lol!